Friday, December 14, 2012

A Serious Post

I know in general my blog is very lighthearted and silly, but this is the post I need to write today, and I'm sorry it has to be a somber one after being an absentee blogger for so long.

Today, a terrible, senseless tragedy occurred in Connecticut. For anyone reading who doesn't know what I'm referring to, a 24-year-old man entered Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut and opened fire, killing 26 people. Innocent people. 20 of those 26 were children. Innocent children.

I'm not writing this post to pass judgements or make any sort of speculation as to why this tragedy occurred. I don't think that's what's needed tonight. I think tonight there are more important things to acknowledge. I was saddened by the news, and of course I was also shocked and confused. All I know is that right now, my heart is heavy.

I've never been to Newtown. I've never been to Connecticut at all, but that doesn't matter. My heart is there. My prayers are focused on that community today, and I am crying out to God to bring peace to the friends and families affected by this tragedy.

I'm not a parent. I have absolutely no idea how it would feel to lose a child, especially in such a terrible, violent way. All I can do tonight is pray for the families of the 20 children whose lives ended much too soon. Tonight, 20 little beds will be empty, and the parents and siblings of 20 children are facing the prospect of waking up tomorrow without a precious member of their family. My heart is with them.

Tonight, I am saddened. But I am also touched by the stories I heard through the day of teachers bravely and fiercely protecting the children in their care. Stories of teachers huddling children into a corner and shielding them in case the gunman entered their room.

As I said earlier, this was a senseless tragedy. No matter what motive is eventually presented by the police, it will never make sense. No one will ever truly understand why any of the lives taken today had to end. Rather than understanding, I pray for peace and comfort. I believe it will come in time.

Saturday, September 29, 2012

That One Time I Watched Movies ALL DAY.

This is going to be a lazy post. Because I've just had about the laziest day EVER. Of my life. My whole LIFE! I'm not even joking. Guys...I'm not even that tired today. I was just so incredibly lazy, that I didn't even feel like changing the channel on the tv. How pathetic is that?

I got up, went to get some coffee, then came home...and sat. And watched movies all day. Literally. The tv has been on ABCFamily all day, so I've been watching whatever movie was on. First, it was Race to Witch Mountain. I'd never seen it before, and I was like "Meh, why not?" So I watched it. I don't know what I expected out of it. I knew it wasn't going to be a cinematic masterpiece. It was entertaining enough I suppose. The REAL test of my laziness for the day came next. Witch Mountain ended, and then...THEN...

Here.

*shudder* As a kid, I LOVED Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Loved it. I watched it all the time. But this...this is just...creepy. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory will NEVER be Willy Wonka. Never. As much as I love Johnny Depp, this movie is just...scary. Other than his occasional funny line, the movie has no redeeming qualities in my opinion. But, seeing as I was apparently trying to break some laziness record today, I watched it anyway. Who does that? I mean, really. A movie you hate comes on tv, and you think "Well...I guess I'll watch this." What?! That's either insanity or inexcusable laziness. I'll plead laziness.

But THEN! After Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, I was rewarded with...THE ORIGINAL! That's right. Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory was on next. And of course I had to watch it just to remind myself how much better it is than the Tim Burton one. Because who doesn't love this?

Here.
Ah, good old Willy Wonka. So anyway, I watched Willy Wonka, and then Lady and the Tramp was on next! And I thought, "Well dang! I haven't seen this in forever! Better watch it!" And I barely remembered any of it. But now the dvd is totally going on my Christmas list, because I love Disney movies. So much. And if one Disney movie wasn't enough, I then watched Aladdin, which came on after Lady and the Tramp. Following Aladdin, my mom and I watched the last hour of Independence Day. Heck yeah alien movie! And...that's how I spent my entire day.

So, as I said, this is a lazy post, but maybe some of you will read it and then be able to say to yourself "Wow, I've been lazy before/today/in my life, but at least I'm not THAT lazy!" I give you permission to feel better about your own laziness because of my absolutely inexcusable, slothlike behavior.

Now if you'll all excuse me, Aladdin is on again, and I need to watch it.

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Oh...Hey, Guys...Enjoy Some Random Shenanigans

So...I'm slacking again. And this is weird, I log in, check my stats, and even though I haven't posted in OVER A MONTH!! my stats for September are like...whoah high. What up with that, people? When I DO post a few things in a month, no one reads. When I DON'T post, everyone and their brother decides to look at my blog.


Not that I'm complaining. I like views. I just wish they'd be a little more consistent. But now who's the pot calling the kettle black? Because I'm sure you're reading this thinking "Well jeeze, Joanna. We'd like YOU to be a little more consistent with your posting!" I got it. Enough with the accusing stares. I'll TRY. I promise.

Also, fun fact...That adorable little drawing up there of me looking confused is titled "Huh?" and while adding it to this post, I realized I have another drawing simply called "Huh." Two different emotions, clarified by a simple changing of punctuation. The other fun fact..."Huh." is wayyyyy uglier than "Huh?" It's an oldie. Want proof? Here.


That's "Huh." Scary, innit? I'm pleased to see my Paintbrush drawing skills have improved. Slightly. Also, I clearly do take my actual appearance into consideration when drawing myself. Since these drawings are so lacking in other details, I guess I figure the least I can do is get my hair somewhat realistic looking. So, as you can all see from the difference from "Huh." to "Huh?" I haven't cut my hair in a while. It's getting crazy long, and I don't know what to do with it. It's a serious dilemma. If I cut it, I'll constantly be telling people "Gee...I liked my hair long." But if I don't cut it, I'll just keep saying "I should probably get a haircut." Wow. #firstworldpains, anyone? And no, I will not be regularly hashtagging things in my posts from now on. Hashtags have their place, on Twitter, but not elsewhere, thank you very much.

So...this post is starting to feel like a whole lot of nothing going on, and me just blabbering about whatever the heck pops into my head. Is anyone even still reading...?


Well...for anyone still around...


Jeeze...I'd like to apologize. I feel like this post is nonsense. I don't know what this hyper stuff is. I'm not really sure why I'm even publishing it, but...maybe everyone and their brother will come back and get a giggle out of it or something. Here's hoping my next post is a little more cohesive and a little less crazy. Unless you people like reading my crazy stuff. In which case...maybe my next post will be an experiment in writing a post before I fall asleep but after I've taken a sleeping pill. THAT would certainly make for an interesting post. And terrible drawings. Even more terrible than normal.

We'll see I suppose...

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Whoah Awesome!

Alright, so this is going to be a short, short post, but one PACKED full of excitement!


And apparently excitement=confetti.

Anyway, I am SUPER stoked today, because in a totally awesome twist, just one day after writing my post about wanting my own coffee shop someday but having no idea how to run one, my manager told me I'm going to be sent to manager training! AHHH! MORE CONFETTI!!


I am super pumped, because while I'm not going to be taking my manager's job, and I have no plans to go manage a different store, I know this is going to give me all kinds of great skills and information that will absolutely help me in the future, especially if my goal is to one day have a shop of my own.

So like I said, short post, I just wanted to share my excitement with all of you! And I'll be sure to keep you posted on how my training goes once I've started. It's a three day thing at the end of the month, so stayed tuned!

Coffee Shop Dreams

Friends...I want to have a coffee shop. One of my very own. Where I can make delicious, caffeinated beverages, and sell scrumptious pastries. Like...these!


These are some delicious pastries we ate in "France" at Epcot when we were at Disney World over spring break. And they were the bomb diggity. I want to have a coffee shop that sells pastries like those. Everyone loves pastries, right?

I don't want a real person job. I just want a coffee shop.

The problem with this is...I was a psychology major. And I have no business experience. So...I think I might have to go back to school. I don't really want to go back to school, but I think it might be the smart thing to do. I know the statistic that 97% of all small businesses fail. (Or...some number like that. I totally just made up that 97%.) But I still feel like I want to try it. Maybe I'm crazy, but hey, maybe I'll end up being super successful with it! I guess maybe we'll see. Obviously this will be a slow process. So I'll keep you all posted.

On another note, I've been toying with the idea of vlogging. I think it could be interesting. Maybe? Or maybe I'd get all embarrassed talking to myself on camera. And maybe, like this blog, I won't know what the heck I have to say that's worth talking about. And MAYBE...people will think I'm weird if they actually see my face talking. I don't know. What do you people think about that? Would this weird you out?


Maybe I'll make a goal to try it once a month or something. And if I creep people out, or I'm just really awkward...well...then I guess I'll never do it again. 

Sorry this is a short post, but I'm pretty much really tired. And I have to work in the morning. I'm seriously interested in what any of you think about this whole vlogging idea. So...I'm begging for your thoughts in the comments! 

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

If Anyone's Wondering...I'm Not Dead.

No...No, I have not died. My life has just gotten unexpectedly busy. I mean, really, sometimes I sit down and I'm like "What the heck? Since when am I the kid who works 6 days a week between two part time jobs?" Yeah. That's me now.

I still have no clue what to do with my life. As in...I still know I need to get a grown-up job. But for now, I'm happy. Even though I am working 6 days a week. Which is a bummer sometimes, because I only have one day that's ALL MINE, but hey, I'm making money. And money is good.


Wow. Drawing that was like getting back on a bike after 5 years. And...sadly, yes, I know how that feels. I rode a bike about a month ago for the first time since I graduated high school. Which was five years ago. I about died. Pathetic, I know. But hey, at least I did it. I should probably do it more often. Seeing as one of my New Year's Resolutions was to work out. And I was doing pretty well with that for a while. But now...not so much. And everyday I'm waking up and thinking, "Dang...I should work out today." And then I don't. People, please scream at me in the comments. If I have a whole lot of shiny comments on my blog, maybe I'll feel more motivated. (To work out AND to blog more! *wink wink*)

Maybe I can motivate myself to work out tonight after I get home from working my second job. Well...after I get home and before I go to bed at probably nine freaking o'clock. I have to open at Biggby tomorrow. Which means I have to be at work at 5:45. Which means I have to leave my house by 5:15. Which means I need to be up and out of bed at 4:45 at the latest. I'm so not a morning person, so I am dreading this terribly. Also, tomorrow is supposed to be an insanely busy morning, so...hurray. I am overflowing with enthusiasm. The good thing is, I work at a coffee shop. So I can have myself some coffee when I get to work! But dang 4:45 is freaking early...I used to STAY UP until 5am just for the heck of it. Now I'm thinking "Wow, I have to wake up early tomorrow. I should be in bed by 9." It makes me feel old.


Oh well. I'll learn to deal with the early mornings I guess. But it makes me really sad when even my dad, who is for sure a morning guy and usually leaves for work around 5:45 every day, says to me "Wow. That's early. Good luck." Ugh. Thanks, dad. The good news is, I don't have to do this on a regular basis. But still...it's early.

In addition to working six days a week and not exercising, I recently helped plan and host a baby shower for my cousin, which turned out far better than I had imagined in my head. I'm not really a hosty person. I'd much rather sit back and attend the shower than be the one standing in front of everyone and explaining how everything's going to go down. But a bunch of people there told me I did a great job, so that was good.

The next big project I'm really excited about is that my mom asked me to redecorate our guest room! So I'll be putting my interior design skills (Ha!) to use in the near future. It's not a huge job, but I will be repainting and getting a new bedspread and such. It needs a refresher, so I'm looking forward to it. Hopefully I'll remember to take photos of the before, during, and after, and I can share them all with you lovely people.

So, this post is pretty wordy, but I just wanted you all to know I'm still alive. Also sad that I haven't been a better blogger. But hopefully that will change soon.

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

I Refuse To Be A Muggle.

If you've been following my blog, or probably even if you've only read a post or two, you've realized I'm a nerd. I'm alright with it. I've learned to embrace it. My nerdiness is a part of who I am, and obviously I have no interest in changing that. I rather like myself.

A huge part of my nerd life (and life in general) for the past decade-plus-a-couple-odd-years has been...yes...Harry Potter. And that's what this whole post is going to be about, so if you hate Harry Potter, I suggest you stop reading now. Otherwise you'll get sick of this post REAL fast. Anway, I devoured the books, waited eagerly for each movie, and bawled my eyes out through the last one. When the credits rolled on Deathly Hallows Part 2 it was honestly like I had just said goodbye to some of my dearest childhood friends. I was the same age as Harry, Ron, and Hermione when I started reading the books, so I'd felt like I had grown up with them. All the while feeling seriously embittered that apparently the owl delivering my Hogwarts letter had been struck by lightning or something on its trans-Atlantic flight.




And so, resigned to the fact that my poor post-owl was roosting in the Heavenly Owlrey, I simply began soaking in as much magical knowledge as I could outside the blessed halls of Hogwarts. In other words, I became a huge Harry Potter nerd. But it was alright, because most of my friends and cousins were too. So I wasn't alone. We chatted about the books and movies, and then, one hilarious day, we were enlightened to the greatness that is A Very Potter Musical. If you love Harry Potter and you haven't seen AVPM...DO IT! Seriously. It's on YouTube. Look it up.

Even better than AVPM though was the day I finally got to ACTUALLY go to Hogwarts!



Okay...so we went to Universal Studios. But still...I was pretty jazzed all day. All my childhood Harry Potter dreams came to life. I drank Butterbeer, ate at the Three Broomsticks, and bought candy at Honeydukes. Oh...and I bought a Gryffindor sweater and tie and totally rocked them out for Halloween. Complete with homemade wand, crafted with love by my wonderful Grandpa.



But after we left, I couldn't help but wonder what would be next? What would feed my need for Harry Potter? Well...Pottermore. Ever since I first heard talk of Pottermore, I was super stoked. MORE Harry Potter information?! Bring it on! Then tell me I can be sorted into a house and compete for house points?! My happy little nerd heart might just stop.

Naturally I signed up as soon as I could. (After that whole annoying beta-testing phase that only select people got to be part of...) I wanted to know what house I would be in! Gryffindor was my hope, because who doesn't want to be in the same house as Harry Potter? But really, I just wanted anything but Hufflepuff. Even Slytherin would have been better than Hufflepuff. I mean...come on. Hufflepuff? What do they do? Gryffindors are brave, Slytherins are cunning, Ravenclaws are wise...Hufflepuffs are...nice? They've always just struck me as the leftovers of Hogwarts. If you're not brave, cunning, or wise enough for the other houses, they stick you in Hufflepuff. (No offense to any hard core Hufflepuff fans out there...)

My cousin Kate also signed up, and so one evening, all via text message, we began the journey to Hogwarts. Kate didn't want Hufflepuff either, so when we both reached the sorting, we were super nervous. (Only serious nerds are nervous about something like this, I realize that.) I completed my sorting...and...RAVENCLAW! I was relieved. It wasn't Gryffindor, but at least it wasn't Hufflepuff either. And really, considering how bookish and nerdy I am, Ravenclaw makes the most sense for me.

Then, a few minutes later, I get this gem of a text:


It seriously made my night, and I got to laugh at my darling Hufflepuff cousin for a good hour or so. Fortunately, she also saw the humor in the situation and laughed right along with me. Unfortunately for both of us, we completed all of Sorcerer's Stone WAY fast, and now we have to WAIT for Chamber of Secrets! What nonsense! It could be a blessing in disguise though. As though I need another massive time-suck in my life. Pinterest is bad enough. 

However...if any of you are on Pottermore, you should tell me in the comments. I want friends. I'm BronzeChaser685. :)

Monday, April 16, 2012

I Am Not Dorothy, and This Is Not Oz

So, yet again, I've been MIA for months. And I apologize. But over the past several weeks, I've been struggling with what to do with myself. And it's not an easy thing to figure out.

I majored in psychology in school. I have a shiny Bachelor's Degree in the field of Psychology. Which I love. It fascinates me to no end. People are intriguing. Psychology was absolutely and entirely enjoyable for me to study. However, in retrospect, I'm not sure it's the best field for me to make a career out of.

As you all may or may not know, I am an introvert. Hard core.


I enjoy learning about people and listening to people, but I don't do so well with talking to people. Especially not groups of people, as I discussed in a previous post.

I know being a psychologist doesn't necessarily mean I have to communicate with groups of people, but still, the ability to speak comfortably with strangers is kind of important. And I'm not so good at that. Not verbally anyway. I'm much more comfortable sitting at my computer and typing out words than I am sitting across from someone and chatting over coffee. (Which I actually drink now. On account of being a barista.)

So, after weeks of thinking, "did I waste four years of education on a degree I don't want to use?" I've become a little stressed out. On top of that, I had another birthday on March 31st, so I got to think "Wow...I'm another year older and I still have NO clue what to do with my life!"


Actually, I'm fine with my age. I'm not quite to the point of dreading birthdays. Yet. But what bothers me is how many people I know my age who are either a) in Grad school, b) working full-time, or c) getting married, while I am a) not in school at all, b) working part-time, and c) single and living at home. Which--by the way--is not as awful to me as it is to some people. My family and I get along really well. For the most part. And since they're kind enough to let me live here, "until [I'm] 112 if [I] need to," according to my dad, I am happy to take the offer. Just so you're all aware, I do not plan on living with my parents until I'm 112. 111, maybe, but 112 is just pushing it.

I jest.

I do plan on moving on with my life. I've just been stuck in the swirling chaos of my own mind for a while. I feel like Dorothy after getting sucked up by that tornado.


Unfortunately for me, my brain-tornado has not dropped me from a world of black and white into technicolor Munchkinland, onto a Wicked Witch with ruby slippers, and into the hearts of the Munchkins who had been living under her reign of terror. A kindly Good Witch traveling by bubble has not floated into my life and said "Follow the Yellow Brick Road to the Wizard of Oz, and he will solve all your problems." Also, I do not have a talking Cowardly Lion, Tin Man, and Scarecrow to be my friends on my epic journey to self-discovery. I do have a dog, but she's kind of lazy and wouldn't enjoy a long trek to an Emerald City all that much. She is good for a snuggle though.

All of this to say...pardon my absence. I'm just trying to find myself a little.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

So...Valentine's Day.

Well...another year of being single. Honestly though, I'm not upset about that. I am perfectly happy being single. In fact...just like last year:


I am a proud single girl. It's pretty nice to have no expectations for a day of "romance." Not to mention, I can pretty much count on still getting some chocolate from my parents. Because at least THEY love me! 


No, I'm kidding. I never cry about Valentine's Day. It's really not worth it. I do appreciate getting candy from my parents though. Because I love candy. So much.


Some people like to call Valentine's Day "Singles' Awareness Day" or other things like that, but I'm fine with calling it Valentine's Day, even though I don't have a Valentine per say. I'm not depressed about being single. I know there's someone out there for me. And, I know that whoever and wherever you are, as Michael Bublé would say..."I just haven't met you yet."

But uh...could he be my Valentine? Pretty please with sugar on top?
Also, image from here.
Today at work I got to spread the love by drawing little pink hearts on a whole slew of cups. That was fun. One customer even told me it looked really nice. That made me happy. Plus, as a nice Valentine's Day perk, I took home $12 in tips. Score!

So to everyone who has a special someone to share Valentine's Day (and every other day) with, happiest of Valentine's Days to you. I hope your day is full of candy and cards and flowers and dinners and romantic goodness. And to those of you who, like me, are single on a day all about love, Happy Valentine's Day to you too! Because I like spreading love around. It gives me warm fuzzies. And warm fuzzies are happy things. 

Now, please enjoy a homemade, lopsided Valentine from me to you. 


Tuesday, January 31, 2012

New Year's Resolutions

I'm not usually one for making a lot of New Year's Resolutions, because I can't normally stick with them past the end of January. Sad, I know. But this year, I'm going to try really hard to actually succeed.


My list of resolutions (yes, I actually wrote a list) has about 9 things on it. One of them is to blog more often, which I'm clearly not doing so well with yet, seeing as this is my first post for the month, and it's the last day of the month. I'm trying though. I really am. 

I don't really know what the problem is. I have plenty of free time. Maybe I'm trying too hard to be productive at other things? I don't know. I want my blog to be interesting, and it's obviously something I can use to express myself, so that should mean I want to write in it all the time, but clearly I don't. Maybe I'm overanalyzing it all. Which I tend to do. Then I get frustrated, then sad, then I just shut down, sit in my bed and ignore the world.

Yup. I'm over analyzing. I'm going to try to put less pressure on myself to be a "good" blogger. Maybe that should be another resolution. (Not that I need any more of those!) I think half the problem is that I really like putting my goofy little drawings in my blog, but I am not an artist by nature (if you couldn't tell) so they take SO much effort for me. Which seems silly, since they're so bad. So bad. But really...they're hard for me. So don't hate me, people, but there will probably be far fewer drawings from now on, unless I'm feeling especially artistic sometime. Which is entirely possible. The drawings will not be dead forever, just...rare. Like...seeing the Loch Ness Monster or the likelihood that I would ever sit down and watch a full episode of "Jersey Shore." (Ok, maybe they won't be that rare, but you get the idea.)

So...New Year's Resolutions. I made some. One of which I'm working on just by posting this. But another one I made was to drink more water. I figure it's fitting to mention this one since my first post way back a year ago talked about drinking a ton of water and my roommate telling me I might have diabetes. (I don't, by the way. Not that I'm aware of anyway.)

I really am not a very health-conscious person. I'm not overweight, but I don't exercise, and I really don't eat the greatest things for me. I don't overeat, or eat things that are terrible for me, but I just...could make healthier diet choices. And that's where the water comes in. I know generally "they" say you should drink eight glasses a day. I'm pretty sure that's still what "they" say. Anyway, I don't do that. But for the past few weeks, I have been lugging a water bottle around the house with me all day, making sure I drink the whole thing by the time I go to bed. I'm honestly not sure how many cups that water bottle equals, but I still feel good about drinking it all.

Also, I usually try to make myself drink a Grande sized water at work before I allow myself my free drink of the day, which as of late has been a Grande Tan Line latte. (Caramel and vanilla for those of you who don't frequent a Biggby Coffee.) Those suckers are super tasty, but also super unhealthy. One grande Tan Line is...*gulp* 482 calories. I know I should probably start making them with skim milk and sugar free syrups, but it just makes me so sad to think about. I want all my fattening, tasty, Tan Line calories dang it! All 482 of them!

As a side note, I don't drink one every day, since I don't work every day. And there have been a few work days when I didn't drink one. Those were good willpower days I guess.

Going along with the water, I'm also working out. My sister and I got this workout DVD called the Brazil Butt Lift. Yep. That's really what it's called. The instructor, Leandro, just makes me laugh. He's so high energy, and he calls your butt your "bum bum," but it's pronounced "boom boom." Ah, I'm giggling just thinking about how silly it is. "Squeeze your bum bum!" Not really a direction I ever thought I'd hear shouted at me, much less one I'd follow.

There he is. From here.
Silliness aside, it's a pretty hard core workout. Like I said, I'm not the most health-conscious person, and as such, I'm terribly out of shape. Throw a sometimes questionably cooperative heart into the mix, and working out and I aren't really friends. I really rather enjoy staying conscious. But it's been going alright. My "boom boom" and legs are really sore, so I can only hope that means it's working.

The resolution I'm really looking forward to working on...is reading. I have approximately 23,914,675,261 books to read, give or take 73. Plus I got eight more for Christmas. Six of those eight are in a really awesome box set from my parents. 

Which naturally I took an Instagram picture of because why not?
They're all classics, and I'm really excited to read them. Well, one I've read (Wuthering Heights) and two I started reading and never finished (Dracula and The Picture of Dorian Gray.) I really don't like not finishing books, but sometimes I just didn't have time to read, and then I'd forget what had happened, so I'd quit. And some books I started too young. Dracula was one of those. It's a weird book, for sure, but I started reading it when I was maybe a freshman or sophomore in high school. I didn't really get it. I think I would get it now. I also have all of the Lord of the Rings books to read. Definitely was too young to really appreciate those the first time I attempted them. Right now I'm reading The Help, which even though I haven't finished yet is great so far, so I would recommend it to anyone.

There are many other resolutions on my list, of course, but I kind of doubt you all want to hear about all of them. If I'm wrong and you're dying to know what the rest of my resolutions are, I really have no qualms with sharing them. Let me know. Comment or email or whatever you want to do. The point is, I'm doing pretty well on them so far, and I'm pleased with that. I really just want 2012 to be a great year. 

Oh...and it would be cool to make it to 2013. That way I didn't waste a year getting my bum bum into shape. Mostly I want to make it beyond December 21, 2012, so that one day my kids can ask me "Mom, why is there a movie about the world blowing up and flooding and stuff back in 2012?" and I can say "Well kids, because people like to sensationalize. And Hollywood people like to blow stuff up and put it on the big screen."

I'm sorry if this wordy post bored anyone, but hey, it's my blog. I'll do whatever I want. So there.