A Love/Hate Relationship

I have a cell phone. Not unlike most people these days. I didn't get my first cell phone until I was a freshman in high school. So I was about 14. I had been bugging my parents for one, because "everyone" was getting a cell phone. "All of my friends" had them, so naturally I needed one too.

I didn't get my phone until midway through the first semester. I didn't do much with my life other than go to school and come home, so my parents generally knew where I was at all times, and didn't really have to worry about needing to call and check in on me. A phone was not a necessity for me. Until one day...

Fate smiled upon me. I had been cast in the musical at school. The Sound of Music. I was one of about 50 nuns. Point being, I had rehearsals. Sometimes I wasn't sure what time I would be done, and since I couldn't drive yet, my mom was my primary means of transportation. Rehearsal days, she would let me take her cell phone to school so that I could call her when I was finished.

One day, I called her to tell her I was done, and when she came to pick me up, she said to me, "Joanna, we have to get you a cell phone." I couldn't believe my ears, or my luck. My mom had just uttered a magical phrase. I was elated. Practically radiating joy. So much so that, at first, I didn't notice the look of lingering horror on her face.

She then proceeded to relay to me a tale of terror that made my skin crawl.

Apparently while I was rehearsing with the other nuns, my mom had to make a trip to the grocery store for my grandma. While she was out, she realized she needed to call her to ask about some items on the list. Unfortunately for her, I had her cell phone. To make her call, she had to use a pay phone.

She proceeded to describe to me an object of terror. As I've stated before, I have a problem with germs, so anything that looks germy creates an instant anxiety response in me. As my mom is telling me her story, she's explaining the pay phone. But it wasn't any old pay phone.

It was dirty. And gross.

Disgustingly, terrifyingly filthy.

It was so filthy that my mom was disgusted enough to tell my dad that I needed a cell phone so she would never again have to use such an abomination again. I have to admit, even though the thought of such a disgusting phone creeped me out, I did chuckle a little at how horrified my mom was by the situation.

Laughter at my mom's expense aside, I did get my first cell phone shortly after this experience. It was a super lame flip phone with an obnoxious green backlit screen. No texting capabilities or anything. I was ordered only to use it to call my parents when the need arose. 

Nowadays, I'm sporting an ENV2, which I suppose is getting pretty outdated already by today's standards. Mostly though, I've found this phone to be fairly reliable. Plus, it has a full keyboard, so I can text like my life depends on it. I text way more than I make actual phone calls. In recent months however, I've been noticing a troubling occurrence. Sometimes I pick up my phone to check the time or something and find...it's turned off. I never hear it power down, the battery isn't dead, it's just...off.

This annoys me. I depend on my phone for many things: the time, basic communication skills, and serving as my alarm clock, just to name a few. So finding out that my phone likes to periodically shut itself off is not a comforting thing.

Even more recently, my phone has apparently decided to step up its game. Three times now in the past couple of months, I've gone to check my phone, found it off, tried to turn it on and received this message: "Use genuine battery. Powering off." It then proceeds to count down from ten and completely shut itself off again. It's as though my phone enjoys making a mockery of me. Or it's just evil. Either explanation makes perfect sense to me.

No matter what the cause, it's a problem. I've done nothing to cause any physical damage to my phone, so my best (serious, rational) guess is that the battery is just on its last legs. I've had the phone a few years, so it's not too ridiculous to imagine that the battery might be waving the white flag of surrender.

The first time it happened, I went to the best source I could think of, Google, and looked up the problem. The solution I found over and over was to rub the connectors on the battery with nail polish remover. Seemed like a bad idea, but being desperate, I tried it anyway. Miraculously, it worked like a charm. Naturally, the second time it happened, I once again resorted to the nail polish remover trick.

By the third time, I knew what to do. I busted out the nail polish remover, swabbed the connectors, and...nothing. It didn't work at all. Distraught, I tried it again and again. When I was still met with resistance, I resorted to the next most popular solution the internet could provide me with: sticking the battery in the freezer for an hour. Again, seemed kind of like a bad idea, but I gave it a shot anyway.

Perhaps by divine intervention, that worked too. Maybe it taught my phone that I mean business. Who knows? But, between you and me (don't tell my phone), I'm seriously considering a new phone. Ever since the iPhone came to Verizon, I've been wanting one. For now, I just have to hope my phone has learned its lesson.