Seriously though, I feel like such a blog failure. I never wanted to get to this point. I never wanted my posts to be so sporadic. I'm also amazed that my followers haven't dwindled in this period of blog neglect. So to all 74 of you, thanks for sticking around! I'm touched by the loyalty.
I'm not going to promise that never again will I let a month pass between posts, but I will promise to try to never again let a month pass between posts. Trust me, I like the gap far less than all of you.
So tonight, I'm alone in my apartment because my roommates are all elsewhere, and I'm kind of really enjoying it. Not that I don't love my roommates. (Roommates, I know you'll read this. I love you. I do.) But as I've mentioned before, I am wholeheartedly an introvert. I like my space, and I like being alone sometimes. I know that's often a hard concept for you extroverted people to grasp, but it's really true.
I love my friends very much, but sometimes I just want to be alone. So, I'll say it again: I marvel at the fact that I--of all people--ended up with three extremely outgoing roommates. And if I haven't mentioned it before, they're also all blonde. I'm the Black Sheep of the apartment. Brunette sheep I suppose.
Not that them being blonde has much of anything to do with anything. I just think it's funny. No, the most significant difference is really just the introvert/extrovert thing. I get overwhelmed in large groups of people. And by large I mean...more than maybe eight. It's like my brain just starts cowering in a corner or something, snarling at me. I try to coax it out, but it's usually not effective until the very end of a gathering.
For whatever reason, my brain finds the task of trying to interact with a "large" number of people to be far too much exertion. I usually just end up sitting there, mostly silent, until the absolute last moment. Then my brain comes running back to me.
It's something like this...
Me: Come on, Brain...Just half an hour of chatting.
Brain: No! Back off!
M: Brain, seriously. Twenty minutes. It's only chatting over dinner.
B: Seriously? No. I'm already multitasking by making you breathe, beat your heart, and chew your food with your mouth closed at the same time. Talking is too much.
M: But these are my friends.
B: Yeah, but there's so many of them. I don't know who to talk to or what to say.
M: Anything! Please!
B: No.
(15 Minutes Later)
M: Brain, come on. Look, I'm even done eating now.
B: Well, okay, fine.
Friends: *Lots of laughter*
Everyone: Okay, bye! *Leaves*
Seriously. I tend to do that. I sit there, passively listening to conversations happening around me, then something someone says reminds me of something funny that happened to me, and I tell the story just before we all have to part ways. I have a brief moment of "Wow! I said something relevant that everyone thought was hilarious!" just before we all have to go back to homework, classes, labs, naps, whatever.
Maybe that's why I took so long with writing a new post. My brain finally caught on to the fact that apparently there are a lot of you reading my blog. A lot more than eight. So maybe my brain has just been snarling in a corner for a while.
Or maybe it's just the fact that I graduate in a month and my stress levels are getting high enough that I sometimes just want to scream, then go cower in a corner myself. Maybe it's a mix of both. Higher stress levels make my introversion even more pronounced? I don't know. Hypotheses and guesses. Either way, I don't really care to be honest.
All that matters is...I'm back, and I'm feeling good about it.
